Nervous, Anxious, Edgy, Tense.....

Okay I am officially freaking out! At this time in 3 days I will be in Haiti, already through customs, immigration and the long car ride to Cyvadier. I am trying to imagine what I will feel and see when I get there but my thoughts are all over the place. For some goofey reason, I keep feeling guilty for leaving my doggie, worried that she will think I have abandoned her. My mind must be choosing to stress about that so that I won't worry about everything else.

I am hoping that Haiti will rock my world! I know that this trip will be an amazing experience for Andy and I to share together and I cannot wait to see my how God will use it to shape and strengthen us together and individually.  I have been trying to prepare myself spiritually so that I will glean everything God intends during my trip to Haiti but I am not completely sure how. How do you prepare yourself for such devastation and poverty, yet such strong faith in the midst of it all? I mean sure I can tell myself all day long  that I will rely on God no matter what my circumstances are but I haven't been dealt a horrible hand either. Sure, I have fallen into some pits in my life and felt as if was the end of the world and I'd never get out but in reality I haven't had a 10th of the struggle as the people of Haiti. I spoil myself with Starbucks, have all my loved ones surrounding me, food to eat, and I roof over my head. I have more than I deserve, yet how often do I get upset with God when things don't go the way I want?  More times than I'd like to admit. Who am I to think that God should do what I say? The Haitians have lost everything- their homes, loved ones, and security yet they are still praising the God of the universe. I realize this is not true of all Haitians, but I am talking about the christian population of Haiti. We claim to be a Christian nation but I wonder if we would hold up during situations like that. Christianity isn't just about proclaiming your belief, it is living it out when the going gets tough.

Not only do I hope for my faith to be strengthened but I hope that my children grow from this as well. I want them to understand what it means to follow Christ. That it isn't just about going to church on Sundays and doing devotions but loving like Jesus and putting others needs above our own. I am going to miss them and I worry about how they will fare being away from Andy and I but in the end I know that the life lessons will far out way the  little bit of sadness. I know that my thoughts have been all over the place but I did warn you. Goodnight all!