Loving Well

It has been awhile! What can I say except life happened :) This weekend life paused long enough to enjoy Beth Moore's 'loving well' DVD series retreat. The premise is that we need to start loving others but first we have to accept and soak up God's love for us. Sounds simple but I have always struggled with fully accepting God's unconditional love for me. Thankfully, in Beth way with words and humor, I do believe it sunk it a little deeper. She used her as an example, that she is a woman and that there is nothing she can do to make herself less of a woman. Long hair, short hair, mastectomy, or clothes don't define your womanhood, it's just what you are. In the same way God is love. It is who he is. It's not an emotion based on mood or our behavior. It's what he is just like a being female is who I am. Hopefully I will read Romans and 1 John in a whole new light. Ultimately I hope to fill my self up with that love it overflows to those around me. I am so used to trying to fill that love through human beings and relationships and that's just impossible. I will always get let down, hurt, and be unsatisfied. God's love is the only thing that can fully satisfy. I am ready to jump in with both feet, get soaked, and splash around in it :)


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In honor of my 30th birthday tomorrow, my favorite show 'Friends' turning 30

Sweet deliverance

"Maybe God allows 'Hamans' to come along so we'll quit being so at home here" Beth Moore. So true! I am still amazed at all I am learning through the study of Esther. I knew God was planning on speaking to me and I am so glad I decided on this study. Today we looked at Esther 3:7-15. When the lots were cast to determine the timing to annihilate the Jews because of Hamans hatred towards them. Sadly, the Jews that were still in Persia during this time were there by choice. They had chosen 12 years earlier not to leave and return to Jerusalem under Cyrus' edict. They instead chose to stay where they had become accustomed, but God had not forgotten them. Through Haman's scheme, God brought them back to himself.

At first glance you do not see a lot of God in the book of Esther, but oh he is there. It just so happens that the month the lots were cast was the first month, the month of Nisan. Doesn't seem very important at first, but the day that the edict was written to be delivered to all the provinces was the 13th day of Nisan. Important? Yes! At twilight on the 14th day of Nisan begins Passover. So as the Jews were celebrating God's deliverance over the Egyptians, they were given the news of the oncoming threat. Bad news indeed, but hope comes forth! The God who delivered them from the Egyptians can surely deliver them again! Coincidence that the news would be delivered then? I think not. "God never takes his eyes off of us or off the clock ticking over us" Beth Moore. God is in control of everything, even the lots cast against us. "the lot is cast into the lap but it's every decision is from the LORD" Proverbs 16:33


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Have a New Kid by Friday????

So I finally caved and bought yet another parenting book. This one is by Dr. Kevin Leeman. I have actually read another book by him as well, 'how to make your child mind without losing yours'. Many of the concepts are the same and just as applicable as they were when Zachary was 2. So far the just of what I have gathered is that I need to change not my children. How encouraging lol :) It is so true through. How many times so I allow myself to get pulled in to power struggles and fits where I eventually lose my cool? More than I'd like to admit. Easier said than done when your 3 children are playing around instead of getting ready for school and you know they'll miss the bus if they don't hurry up yet you are not supposed to nag, warn, threaten, or get angry. I'd have to say I had an easier time following his theories this afternoon. Mornings are so hectic the way it is! Wish me luck, tomorrow is a new day and I'm not backing down :)


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I just don't get it.

I just don't get it. Like I said I've been studying Beth Moore's study on Esther. During the last video session we went through some back history on Mordecai and Haman, 2 influential people in the book. The context was meanness always has a history, so we studied the history behind the rivalry of Haman and Mordecai. It went all the way back to Exodus when the Amelakites attacked the Israelites when the were tired and weary traveling from Egypt to the promised land. God said the he would be at war with the Amalekites from generation to generation (Ex 16:8-16). As time goes by and a couple more incidents occur between the Amalekites and Israelites on which the Amalekites preyed on the weakest, women and children. Finally we get to the boom of Samuel and God tells Saul to blot out the Amalekites, destroy all taking no plunder. Saul disobeys and brings back plunder along with their King, Agag. Why is this important? Well Haman is an Amalekite and a descendant of Agag and Mordecai is a Jew from the tribe of Benjamin and a descendant of Saul. The anger they have toward each other began hundreds of years earlier. I love learning new things. Of course with this information it makes more sense that Haman wanted to destroy the Jews. What's my point you say? My point is this, how on Earth can you say the Bible is just a book? How else do you explain the fact that the same people are mentioned, stories told, information given throughout the 66 books that were not written by the same people! That is one big coincidence if you ask me! Thank you Jesus for giving me your word, your God-breathed word for me, I don't know what I'd do without it.

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Struggling

I am really struggling here and I don't know where I went wrong! I have really tried to be consistent, have routines, have follow through, be creative in consequences, and ultimately loving but somewhere something has failed! I feel like all I do is referee a fight, deal with tattling, give time out, say the say thing over and over and over again. It is always something, it is always something, and it is never small! I fall asleep almost every night utterly exhausted and reeling from the day. Constant talk back, bad attitudes, defiance, disobedience, and lying is finally taking it's toll on me. I am at the end of my rope and I don't know where to turn!! I have tried to have a loving christian home with morals, good examples, and plenty of re-dos. I need the Lord to show me what I am doing wrong and where I need more of his guidance.
Thanks for listening, just a random vent I guess.

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My sister, my friend

My sister came in town this weekend. What a nice surprise and it had nothing to do with the fact that her favorite football team was playing her husbands football team, she came just for me :) LOL
I am just glad she came.

Didn't we get some great shots?

And then on the way home I saw the most beautiful rainbow! It completely extended from one side to the other, all the way to the ground.

I just had to pull over to the side of the road and take this pic. I couldn't get the whole rainbow in the shot without going down in the ditch, which I wasn't doing :) What a great ending to a great visit.

It's tough being a woman.....

I am so glad that I decided to start the Esther study. I have been digging around and trying to find anything and everything about Esther. Like I mentioned in an earlier post, a verse in Esther has been a faith fence post for me, when I get stressed or feel as though I just cannot do it, I remind myself of God's providence through this verse.

Sadly there isn't much out there to study Esther. There are only 2 books in the Bible named after woman yet there is barely any research on them. Because I love Beth Moore so much and her ability to bring the Word to life, I chose her study on Esther esther: It's Tough Being a Woman. Let me tell you, it is amazing and I am only 2 weeks in! I was sucked in before I even dove in to the workbook by her introductory video. God's providence is all around, you just have to take the time to look for it, and one extraordinary example of it is found in the book of Esther.

At the end of each session is a Scenario about being a woman. After she stated the first scenario I felt like all the air had left my lungs. I couldn't believe it. It was like she was putting to words everything that I was feeling and didn't realize. It's tough being a woman in another woman's shadow. WOW! I suddenly became aware how much I allowed myself to sit in the shadow of Michelle. I know that that is something that I have been working on through scripture and trying to counteract Satan's lies on, but here was this one sentence that summed it all up. I decided at that point that I was in, I need this study and God knows it.

Crazy....Good

After such a crazy day yesterday, its nice for some wonderful. I got a call at 315pm yesterday from the Elementary School Nurse. Collin had gotten sick and I needed to get him. It was 5 min before bus load up and10 min before Ashton's bus gets here. I was stuck! Ashton isn't allowed to get off bus if no one is home, Collin wasn't allowed to ride his bus home and Andy was in transit to Ca. I felt awful but I didn't know what to do. The nurse offered to stay with Collin until I could get there, how nice :) Luckily I was able to get ahold of Andy's aunt who was able to come and wait for Ash while I got Collin. Phew! I have went through a whole can of lysol already trying to keep germs at bay and prevent other boys from getting sick. Luckily Collin hasn't gotten sick since we got home, although I'd say the van wasn't so lucky.

Although I am exhausted from disinfecting last night and this morning I cannot get myself to relax and get a little snooze while Collin watches some TV because I am just too happy! My dear friend Ashley had a healthy baby boy last night! I couldn't be any more excited but I am super bummed I cannot visit them :( Thank you God for Nathan Josiah, a safe delivery for mom, and for blessing 2 wonderful people with your precious gift. Now if I could just get a picture via MMS and I think I could maybe get some shut eye for a bit :)

Lovin Miss Flylady!

I ran across this awesome website today. As usual I was playing around on my iPhone and came across this neat app Home Routines. As I was reading about it, it kept talking about this flylady. My curiosity was piqued, I just had to find out what they were talking about. Well let me tell you what, it is the neatest thing ever! I am not a clean freak but I do like to be organized and I do like my house to look nice BUT I have 4 boys and a busy schedule so sometimes it is easier said than done. My biggest struggle is that I look at the house as a whole and then get all stressed wanting to do it all at once. This usually leads to discouragement or me making a huge mess by working on multiple areas at once not able to finish them. Last year I did try and work out a routine of when I would do certain chores, for example bathrooms on Monday, Kitchen on Tuesday and so on. It has really worked but sometimes it seems like I clean and then 10 minutes later it looks like a tornado blew through! 

I read through the Flylady blog for at least an hour. I printed off stuff and even played around with keynote, making my own routines & schedules. What makes here system so nice is that even though you still do the usual work, each week you focus on 1 Zone and deep clean it. You can organize your house in to zones however you like or you can use her setup. I chose to change it a bit because of the way my house is designed. From my understanding, once you get through the 5 zones you are really smooth sailing. In this way, its like you're cleaning to maintain not to get by. So much nicer than my way :) Also she has this neat idea for getting things ready before hand. When you go to bed, get everything ready for a smooth morning, clean sink, picked up LR, lay out your clothes and so on. Actually it doesn't take much time to do just the choice to get it done. Usually by the time I get the boys settled for the night I just want to crash or watch TV. Tonight I chose to do her routine. Some of it I was able to do before I put the kids to bed and while they were doing their own bedtime routines. 

I am so excited to see how much easier this is once I done it through a month. I did end up getting the app and it is awesome too! It follows the same Zone idea and you can edit what rooms go it which zone and also what cleaning you will do in each zone. Then as you work through each room in the zone you check it off. It even gives you these cute little gold stars. Yes, even adults like rewards :)

Just have to wait.

Ortho surgeon just called to check it about zach. He was surprised about the bruising so lets hope its nothing serious :)

Hour by hour

Zachary's swelling seems to be better :) Although he hates icing it, he seems to be in good spirits. Mainly bummed he isn't allowed to roller blade yet but we are playing plenty of board games to stay occupied.

Aww Zachary's facing is swelling up :(

Melissa Starrett

I just LOVE this song!!

I think he's gonna be ok :)

See and download the full gallery on posterous

When we got home yesterday Zachary had a pretty rough couple of hours. The numbness was wearing off and he seemed to be in quite a bit of pain :( After some back rubbing, cuddling, and pain meds he seemed to be a lot better. The surgery took almost 2 hrs. They ended up using donor tissue instead of taking some from the roof of his mouth. I didn't realize we had that option. At first I was kind of nervous about that idea, but the peri surgeon thought it was best for Zachary because he was so nervous and uncomfortable. Having to have 2 surgery sites would lengthen recovery and heighten pain. Last night we watched Furry Vengeance, played board games, and relaxed. By early evening, after being medicated, he was hard to keep down. He was able to eat eggs, bread, cocoa wheats and smoothies. Grandma Susie came over to visit and that always seems to make things all better :)

So far this morning he has been pretty good. Little crabby lol but not uncomfortable. Thanks everyone who has been thinking of him. We have 1-2 weeks of a soft diet and then we should be in the clear. Takes a little over a month to fully heal though.

Exactly what we needed

We went camping a couple weeks ago, just the 6 of us. We ended up going to Spring Creek in Crawfordsville after a couple of tweaks and setbacks, but we couldn't have made a better choice! Here are my favorite shots.

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When we set out on our camping trip, I wasn't sure how it would work out but I couldn't have imagined it any better. There is something about being out of dodge, without interruptions, and free of normal responsibilities. My husband and I have had a rough year and I never would have thought that going camping would be the magic touch needed to turn it around.

We had so many opportunities to just be a family and enjoy each other. After long and exhaustive afternoons, my hubby and I settled down by the fire just the 2 of us. For the first time in months we just listened. I guess thats all we needed, to be heard, understood, and appreciated. We all need that. Maybe next time we hit a dry patch i'll just light the fire place :)

There is no denying the power of scripture

I wanted to share with you the bible verses I found during my time of discovery. My favorite one is in Esther. I keep coming back to it. "and who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this". Esther 4:14 WOW! God is in control and I need to daily remind myself that. I am where I am because this is where God wants me to be. He has chosen me for this purpose and this life and this situation  and I am going to try my best to glorify him through it.

"I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing". John 15:5 How true. I am the worst carer of plants. I kill them. I either water them too much or not enough. With God I don't need to worry if he is enough or not because he is everything I need. He is just enough, more than enough, to sustain me.

"I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength". Phil 4:13 I love this verse. Other than John 3:16, this was the first verse I memorized. This verse doesn't give me permission to do whatever I want but the confidence that I can do what God has asked of me.

"For we are Christ's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works which God prepared in advance for us to do". Ephes 2:10 I think of everything that has happened in my life and how so much of it prepared for where I am now. We may not always make the best choices because we have free will, but God has a bigger plan for us and he will fulfill it either way.

"For it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose". Phil 2:13 Thankfully God is there to help me when I feel as though I can not do it anymore, like my batteries are on empty. When you feel as though you can't go on, God is there to push you on.

"For I know that plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future". Jeremiah 29:11 Although sometimes it feels as if nothing is as it should be, I know that God has my best interests at heart and knows the end results.

"Therefore, do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all" 2 Cor 4:16-17 It is not about me. This is not my permanent home. It is not about me. This is not my permanent home. How miniscule our time on Earth is compared to eternity in heaven. In the end, God is all that matters, and whether we received his son.

"Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it out to completion until the day of Christ Jesus". Phil 1:6 God will finish what he started. He is in control of the outcomes. He sees the whole picture and knows the end result. Ultimately his will will be done.

"Whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the Father". Col 3:17 I made a pocket rock with this verse on it to remind me to humble myself and remember that my life is not meant to please me or make me happy but to glorify God.

The mind is a dangerous thing......

After my last post, I have really spent some time focusing in on the lies I tell myself and analyzing how it is affecting me. As hard as it is for me to admit, most of them are spurred by my role as a step-mom. I honestly LOVE my boys its just that I never realized how hard it would be to be a step-mom. My husband has custody of his children so even though I am the step-parent, I am also the main caregiver. For me, it wasn't hard at all to fall madly in love with the boys and feel as if they were my own, the crushing part was knowing they weren't. It sounds prideful, and in a lot of ways it has became that, but it started out as just emotionally hard. The constant jabs from their biological mother that she gave birth to them and that they were not my children even though I did almost all of the motherly duties was crushing. Over time the heartache turned to bitterness as I started to resent the fact that as I was doing all of the responsible stuff, while she was getting to be the fun one. It seemed like I was doing all the work while she received the glory. That is where the pride came in and bitterness began to grow. As time went by and she had another baby, I began craving a baby too. I knew that I wanted more children from the beginning but I was content as we were. Eventually this new desire became an idol for me. It seemed that while we financially couldn't afford another child and with all that our children required of us we couldn't foresee the ability to care for another child either, yet she was able to have another even though she wasn't doing her part as a mother. It seemed she was stealing from me what I wanted. Its crazy how something I didn't desire to have at the time one minute, consumed me with jealousy the next.

Last week I realized that this bitterness was being fueled by thoughts that were popping in to my head all the time when I would get frustrated or tired or jealous. Honestly, most of the frustration and jealousy was due to the lies in and of themselves! So I sat myself down with a pen and paper and began writing all the thoughts that pop in and out of my head and before I knew it, I was writing down things I didn't even know I was thinking! I then took each thought and wrote a statement professing what was true, for example I would catch myself thinking "M can't tell me I am not the mom one minute and then ask me to do things the next", or "I do all the work and receive no recognition". In reality it doesn't matter what M labels me to the boys and that I am not here on Earth to receive recognition but to do God's will. It was so freeing. When I was done I felt like a new person. Now I am trying to study and memorize scripture that upholds this truth. I know that I am not cured of this destructive thinking but I am definitely on the right path.

True or Truth?

I've been thinking a lot about lies lately, not lies we tell other people but lies we tell ourselves, and it seems I listen to my mind a lot more than I realized. Until this study, No Other Gods by Kelly Minter, I didn't notice how much of my life was being consumed with bitterness, sadness, jealousy, and a need for approval. Almost all of these emotions are centered and fueled by lies I was believing without even knowing it. All lies come from Satan for he is the father of lies and by getting us to buy into them Satan is able to accomplish exactly what he wants, bondage and a  misconscrewed view of God. When I let those sink in from the study and Lies women believe by Nacy DeMoss, I couldn't believe what I was allowing Satan to do to my life.

These lies all started in the Garden of Eden. I believe that Eve was singled out by the serpent intentionally. As much as I do not like to admit it, the woman was the one that was deceived and through her the man then followed and I do not doubt that Satan knew exactly what he was doing. Satan knows our weaknesses and uses them against us to further push us from all that God desires for our lives. Studying Genesis 3, I discovered that the serpent didn't outright lie to Eve, what he said was true, yet it wasn't the TRUTH. He got Eve to question God, add her own thoughts on what God said, and create distrust in whether God had her best interests at heart. The apple was pleasing to the eye, it was good for food, and it would give her knowledge about good and evil. The problem is that she was never meant to have to carry the burden of what the fruit opened up to her and that by sinning she separated herself from God and death eventually came about. The truth is so much more than what was true in Satan's statements to Eve.

I tell myself when I am exhausted and overwhelmed that I cannot do this, that its all too much. Sometimes that is true, but the truth is that God is there to help. "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength". Phil 4:13 How many more times am I missing out on the the TRUTH? I allow my mind to wander and make up scenarios in my head of what's going on or what someone is thinking or why something happened and if I a begin listening to these thoughts they create bitterness, stress, and anxiety in me when the thoughts are honestly lies I am telling myself. My mind is a dangerous thing because once I begin thinking about something it slowly gets in to my heart and from their destruction begins. I guess that is why God told us to guard it. "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it". Prov 4:23 What we believe we eventually begin acting on without even realizing it!

Slowly my life has became blah and its seems the joy I used to have has just seeped out. I have been begging and crying to God to bring it back and to take the bitterness away and I never understood why He didn't. Well the truth is not that he couldn't or wouldn't take the bitterness away, the truth is that until I replace the lies in my life with God's truth I will continue feeling this way. I am still trying to figure out how to do this and its a daily struggle but I so strongly desire to feel the joy and peace that God desires for me that I am not going to give up! The only way to do this is to delve into God's word and start believing all the truths and promises. If I can believe in all God tells me then I don't need to worry about the lies that are out there floating around waiting for me. God intends to set me free but I have to do my part as well :)

My week in pictures

I started out my week at 5:30am Sunday dogsitting. She is the cutest ever, but a handful! 

Caring for 6 kids during the day and dogsitting, it was nice to get out. Monday evening my nephew had his 5th birthday party. I got to meet my cousin and her new baby :)

Such a cute boy, my nephew :)

Tuesday I went with my mom, Zachary, and my niece to Addison Road's CD launch concert. GREAT NIGHT!

Friday I left for southern Indiana for my friends wedding. I helped her finish the last minute details, was her stylist, and photographer lol

I enjoyed taking the photos but also playing around in photoshop after.

After the wedding, Zach and I stayed and took care of Daxten while Jenn and Dee had a little getaway.

He was such a good baby! 

Tuesday we headed home and I went to visit my friend in the hospital who had a baby girl, finally after 3 boys. Isn't she adorable!!!

Well that was my week in pictures, well i guess week and a half :)

Ready to be home.

This is the first time in a week that I have had the chance to write! I agreed to watch my neighbors 2 children, 6 & 3, every other week under the impression that 3 of my boys would be on summer visitation with their mom during those weeks. Wrong! Last week I had 6 children during the day and 4 in the evening Monday and Tuesday AND Andy was gone on business. By bedtime I was one pooped lady! Wednesday, Thursday and Friday I had just Zachary plus 2. That was more like it lol!

I am leading this summers bible study for church, No other Gods by Kelly Minter. I do believe that is what got me through this crazy week. Staying in the word is the only way to get through. It was really eye-opening this week working through the different things that drive our need to turn to 'idols' in our lives. I was able to relate to almost every category- identity, pain, need, and silence. As a woman, I put so much who I am based on what my roles are versus who I am in God. This week in the study, this phrase stuck out to me "Husbands don't seem to solve it. Kids apparently don't do it. Careers fall short. " (minter p 36). When it discussed 'need' as a reason to turn to idols, we looked at Sarah in Genesis. What a story of Gods love and faithfulness even when we choose to take matters into our own hands! Sometimes it's the pain in our lives that drives us the fastest to false gods. On day 3 we saw how through pain we can also turn to God as Hannah did in 1 Samuel. Lastly we looked at times when we feel God has abandoned us. You can look throughout the whole bible to see that God will never leave us, although sometimes we are tested to grow stronger. Look no further than the Israelites to see what happens when you believe that lie, that God has abandoned you. They had seen so many miracles yet when Moses, their link to God, disappeared they went right back to their Egyptian pagan roots. I hope that I am more able to pinpoint my idols before they become disastrous! I cannot wait to dig into next weeks discoveries.

This weekend my best friend got married. I came down Friday to help with last minute stuff and stayed till Tuesday to watch the little one while they got away for a cpl days. It was a small but pretty wedding and I got to practice my photography skills :) I love taking pictures! One day I hope to be able to take a class or 2. My little boogers aren't the best subjects because they won't sit still and could care less about getting them taken.

Yesterday and today I took care of Daxten. He is a very good baby! All except this morning, he refuses to drink his bottle. He loves Zachary and I must say Zachary is quite taken with him too. I think he will make a great big brother some day. Well technically he is but Caleb was already 3 when Andy and I were married. I think this time around he'll make a great baby helper, all except the poopy diapers!

This afternoon I shall make it home and I am so excited to visit with my friend who just had her baby, a girl after 3 wonderful boys!! I will post pictures from this weekend as soon as they are transferred to my Mac.

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All in a Day

Today was a long day! We celebrated Father's Day yesterday because the hubby left this morning :( My day started at 5:20 AM, yes that's correct lol, 5:30 in the morning on a weekend during the summer! My girls, who are no longer girls, dropped off their puppy to dog sit. She is absolutely adorable, yet whiny- I think we'll get through. After church we ate lunch and then headed to Lafeyette, just Z and I. The other boys went to M's house for an overnight. I miss them when they're gone but enjoy my time with just 'my' Z :)

In Lafeyette, we met up with a friend that was in town from Ohio. If you would have told me 12 years ago when I first met her that our lives would be so similar now, I wouldn't have believed you! It's crazy how God works that way. Twelve years ago we met at the mall when I mom took her along when she picked me up from the airport. For quite a few years we talked and somewhat stayed on touch. Friendship bloomed, babies were born (1 in my car, yes you heard that correctly) and our paths continued to cross. Now years later and with the greatest distance between us, we are more connected than ever!

We went to the zoo then the mall to cool off, the park and then McD's to cool off, yes we are THAT wimpy. The zoo was really nice, including the fact that it was FREE. It wasn't as big as your city zoo, but to me it was just the right size to enjoy in one day with kids. I'd have to say the butterfly area was my favorite.

It was a good day, then we returned to whiny dog. She's not too bad, especially when you look in to her puppy dog eyes. Now Z and I are relaxing to a movie, of his choice, 'Cheaper by the Dozen.'

I wish I could say that we've been crazy busy and that's why I haven't blogged in a while, but honestly I can't think of what we did. Hmmm. Wednesday my niece and nephew spent the night with us. That was a sleepless night! Took me till midnight to get them to bed and then they woke up at 5!! Luckily they laid on the couch for a bit while I attempted to rest. I think after tossing for an hr I succumbed that I was not getting anymore sleep. Thursday was another pool day. Friday I spent the day in K-town and that gets us to the beginning of the story :) See, nothing to mentionable. Till next time :)

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Day by Day

I am still not sure if I have fully processed my trip to Haiti. I hope that this feeling never leaves and that the lessons always stick with me. When I get caught up in myself and start to sense some complaining I want to just slap myself silly! When I hear the boys get an ungrateful tone part of me wants to tear in to them and the other to just lay down and cry. We have it so lucky and we don't even realize it. I went to Haiti wanting to help them and it feels like I was the one receiving the help.

Here is a movie I made about our trip. I hope it can share a little of my experiences with you all, although there is no way to put it all to words or pictures in the mind without actually experiencing it yourself.

Part 1


Haiti Movie 1 from melissa starrett on Vimeo.


Part 2


Haiti Movie2 from melissa starrett on Vimeo.

Back to Normal

I think I have finally settled back in to my normal routine~ wake-up, clean-up, referee a little (or a lot), eat, entertain, and sleep. This week the weather has been stormy by night but sunny by day. Luckily we were able to hit the pool on Tuesday. I enjoy relaxing and watching the boys have fun. Plus it is a great opportunity to get some great shots!

Today was Z&C last baseball game for the season. It was bitter sweet. They enjoy playing and although I really enjoy watching them it takes up a lot of family time too. I was very impressed with their growth as a team and individually. Z developed his batting skills and C learned how to be a leader. Tonight I was very exciting to see them work together and make some good plays! Looking forward to the rest of our summer together. I forsee a lot of swimming in the future :)

Home Sweet Home

Our flight landed yesterday around 7 pm in Indy. I was very glad to be home but also sad about the situation I left behind and the fact that I had a nice place to come 'home' to and so many people there did not.

Friday, my last day in Haiti went by very fast! A group from Lebanon, IN got in late Thursday evening. We helped them lay a concrete ceiling/floor the 2nd story of the children's home Tina is having built. It was extremely hot but everyone worked hard and had it finished by lunch time. After lunch and a short nap we went down to the beach for some very exciting events! April Bryant made the decision to be baptized in Haiti. Mackenzie Grinstead had the honor to baptize April. I also was re-baptized. I made the decision when I was almost 6 to dedicate my life to the Lord and was baptized. I remember making the decision but not the actual event of baptism, so I thought what a better time and place to re-dedicate my life to God :)

We left for Port Au Prince very early Sat morning, 4 am to be exact. I was so nervous driving through the mountains in the dark. If you remember my first post about the honking and driving rules, found here, you will understand my uneasiness. We reached our destination safe and sound :) We had to wait outside for an hour and half and then 3 hrs inside before our flight left. Getting through security in PAP was crazy!! We had to go through 3 different checkpoints before we got on the plane. My camera LCD screen got broke going through the first checkpoint :( all the bags were thrown on top of my purse and the camera was inside it. Luckily all the pictures were fine. The flight itself was uneventful.

Once we reached NY, we took showers and then Andy, April, and I headed to Time Square. We had promised April that we would show her around since we had a 21 hr layover and she had never been to NY before. The yummy pizza was worth the exhaustion I felt walking around. Once my head hit the pillow that night I was out, comfy, cozy, air-conditioned sleep.

My airport luck did not end in PAP though, my bag was lost at JFK. I had sat it down at the bookstore by Andy, he didn't know so we both walked away. Once I realized neither of us had it, it was gone. Thankfully I received a phone call today from Walgreens in Noblesville, my bag had made it to Miami accidentally because someone mis-took my bag for theirs. SO relieved!

I am sad that my trip is over but glad to be home with my boys. I hope that all that I learned from Haiti never leaves me and that we can return someday soon. There are no words to describe how different life is there. Despite all the poverty and destruction all you see is smiles and willingness to help. If we in America could just have a tenth of their contentment it would be amazing!

Here a cute video of the kids singing. So cute!! Pictures soon to come.



Creole song from melissa starrett on Vimeo.

A job well done

I can't believe tomorrow is my las day in Haiti. Besides wanting s soda pop and a slice of pizza I am not really that ready to go. I have really gotten attached to a couple of the kids here at Tina's house. We leave saturday at 4am
to drive to Port Au Prince, then fly to NY.

Today we finished cleaning the Village of Hope and put on a fresh coat of paint to the kitchen/community bldg. It wasn't 5 minute in to the job and 3 boys came by and grabbed scrubbers and mops and started right in. It was very nice to have the help but more so the conversation and entertainment. They were hilarious! They knew a pretty good amount of English and serenaded us with rap and funky dancing. They turned a hard job into a fun time :)

Camping, but not the way you hoped

Yesterday we went with Tina to one of the tent camps in Jacmel. She checks on some of the kids and helps the parents. First we went to a communal area where Jojo and Christna's mom was. Tina had promised to bring pictures. The older people with her insisted we sit down and they gave us their seats. I wasn't expecting that but was custom for them and they were showing respect.
It was so sad because you could tell that Jojo's mom she loved her children but knew it was best. Before the earthquake she wasn't 'rich' but they were making it because her husband had a job. During the earthquake, she lost her husband and everything else she had. Now she is living in a very small tent with 3 of her other children. After we showed her the pictures she insisted we come to her 'home.' She told Tina that it wasn't much, but it was all she had. It was so hot under the canapy and the ground was not just muddy dirt but very rocky and hard. They had just recieved cots to sleep on but had been sleeping on the ground.
The whole time we walked through the camp we were flocked by children just wanting to hold your hand. Some weren't dressed, most were very dirty, and some had lice and gnats biting their sores. It was awful! One little boy was playing with a condom he found on the floor, using it as a balloon.
Before we left we took food to another tent that Tina checks on. A little girl named Kenya lives there that loves Ms. Tina. I held her baby brother that was just a month old. What a way to enter the world. He was so adorable with bright blue eyes! I was ready to leave emotionally but wanted to stay forever to help them. It was a hard day. Especially after we'd spent he morning scrubbing walls, floors, and tiles. Today we will finish up cleaning and paint he walls.

Day 4 in Haiti

Short update before the day begins Yesterday Tina took April, Megan and I on a tour through downtown Jacmel and through 2 of the camps. I hadn't seen anything until today! I felt bad looking at everyone like they were part of a show or something. The kids just stared at you as you drove by with hopeful smiles. I smiled and waved but inside I felt like crying. It was so crowded with piles of trash laying around. In the states we have so many luxuries, one being privacy, here everything is out in the open for all to see- showering, using the restroom, sleeping- nothing is hidden.
We will go back later this week and help out at the camps. I really felt guilty that we couldn't this time because I know that by being there some of the Haitians were hopeful that that was what we were there to do. I pray for God's strength and wisdom to get through it. Just being a bystander was hard enough today. Children run around without clothes, they use the restroom in buckets by the side of the road, and all the children beg for your help.

Yesterday evening was better. We went to the village of hope and cleaned up the rooms. Tina was able to fix most of them with the money from the next group coming in. They have been out of use since the hurricane. While we were there we saw the biggest tarantula! Of course all of us were screaming and running. One of the men there went in and got it out with a two by four. I am sure he was getting a kick out of us! Of course the evening was not over without a refreshing dip in the ocean :) Its the only thing that really cools you off.

As hot as Haiti

It was extremely hot here in Haiti today. I don't think I've ever sweat this much! A group of us went to town and helped distribute milk/formula and rice to mothers. It is a program Tina started to help mothers in need. I have much admiration for Tina because of her continuous sympathy and heart for this community even after all these years yet still has the ability to divide what little she has in the best way possible. It was very hard to see women get turned down because there wasn't the funds to help everyone. I certainly wouldn't want to be the one making those decisions. She had to cut 60 woman last week, turn 150 down today, and added 20 new woman.

At one point I went outside to get more boxes of rice and this Haitian woman approached me with her young child. I couldn't understand what she was saying and although I tried to communicate to her that I didn't speak creole, she still insisted on getting my attention to fill her need. As I walked away while she was pushing her baby girl towards me, my heart was breaking.

After suffering through the heat for the afternoon, a dip in the ocean felt wonderful! I have to say the view of the coast from Haiti is amazing!!




We ended the night with our group devotion and a round of euchre. I have to say I am exhasuted! Not sure what tomorrow will hold but I know there will be another lesson hidden for me.